sad

I had a realli bad day. Many dreams and hopes shattered. No hope of IP, no dream of a.. good job. Sometimes i feel worthless. Yes im talking abt my results, apart from maths and useless home ec, everything else was a fail to me. Screwed everything up. No surprise, what can u do but ruin stuff? Last term i aced my hist, now im back yo square one, had one extra day to study for lit compared to my friends, improved overall 3marks, a 35/60. Yesterday saw some of my results, alr anxious. After seeing my last paper, which was lit, i realli felt all the way down. Actually felt lik crying, so i did, secretely.. Only now do i realise how much better i would have done.. Maybe if i left an hour a day after schl, for study and revision, w/o homework, i would have done better. If i had spent less time on my iPod, i would have done better. So much i didnt do. I really wish i could re-write my own history and life. On the bus i just sat down and prayed, and He just spoke to me. He didnt scold me, just reminded me, just when i needed some encouragement, He's there. Gonna realli stop wasting time. I doesnt matter whether i go IP or continue on in VS, i am gonna study. I will do this. But its still gonma take time.. Still, walking home, i walked really slow, and just listened to some songs i felt was appropriete at that time. Went home, and cried. Again, now im all out of tears. I realli have no appetite now, but im eating. Going to sew my uniform parts now, there's parade tmr.