Rollarcoaster.

Seriously life's like a rollarcoaster. Sometimes im on top of the world, other times im just far below. And its all over in an instant.

Really cant imagine why i get such moodswings nowadays. I really thank God that on the days when i was happy, well, i know its all because Him! Its probably my fault whn i choose to gloat over depressing stuff. I wont blame God for it!

I find myself thinking about the happy past, and how its all lost in time. I find myself not being contented. I find myself taking for granted things and people. Im not who i used to be. I remember how cheerful i was when i was younger, how i found my happy disease contagious to others. It seems like i burnt my fuel too fast.

I feel left out. Really. Very. School doesnt click as much to me. Apart from me hanging around with my BB mates and some friends, i guess theyre all i got. And church friends, i can safely say i rely on them much more, although its probably less compared to last time. Ive got so little of what they call, 'close friends'. Thats why they mean a lot to me. And losing one makes a great impact. At least others have other people to fall back on. K i think i sound jealous. Shall stop talking about it here, lest my mind wonder to unimaginable scenarios.

K so today had a mock bio paper, decent. Need to learn to score 37~38/40 for MCQ. Cant afford to lose marks here. I got a pathetic 31-.- had pe, played soccer in the drizzle. Fun. Den it stopped. After school stayed back and revised bio whilst waiting for my a-math retest. While i sat alone doing my stuff, everyone else were playing for talking and having fun. Felt left out. As per usual. Ahh damn shuddup ben stop thinking like this.

'Taken for granted, if i ever disappear without a trace, know that i had enough.'
I feel like crying but im too weak to.
Oh and btw, i suck at EVERYTHING. I even suck at sleeping..